Lessen the Pain
by A Sirius Crush On Moony
Summary: Remus has been put on medication, but unfortunately he's addicted. Can Sirius stop him from hurting himself? Slash Remus/Sirius Rated T for drug use


**An idea that has been floating around in my head for a while. I cried writing this :'(**

**Warnings: Drug use, Character death**

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><p><strong><span>Lessen the Pain<span>  
><strong>

"_You_ have to talk to him. Pete and I have tried! He didn't listen, and you're his _boyfriend_. He'll listen to you, he loves you!"

Sirius sighed and slouched forwards in his seat, resting his head in his arms.

"I don't know what to say to him. How do you even start on a topic like that?" he asked, his voice muffled by his arm.

"I don't know, mate," James replied. "But if anyone can get through to him, it's you. Please just try. You can see what he's doing to himself."

Sirius raised his head, and James noticed the redness in his eyes, and the glistening – he had clearly been crying.

"He'll kill himself," Sirius whispered. James sighed and nodded, pulling Sirius into a one-armed hug.

"That's why you have to talk to him," he said. "_Please_."

"Fine," replied Sirius, nodding. He took a deep breath and headed upstairs to his dormitory, making sure to open the door exceptionally quietly.

As he peered through the door, his heart sunk rapidly in his chest as he saw what he'd expected.

Remus was sitting on his own bed, with a pile of white pastille-looking objects in his right hand. In one swift movement, he tilted his head back and shoved them in his mouth.

Sirius' heart started thumping loud and hard in his chest as he slammed the door open and walked towards Remus, who jumped and swallowed everything in his mouth.

"Sirius! You scared me!" he said. Sirius sat down next to him, without saying anything. Remus bit his lip. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Sirius repeated. "Remus, are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yeah... why?"

"YOU KNOW BLOODY HELL WHAT'S WRONG!" Sirius shouted, unable to help himself. "You're KILLING yourself!"

"I'm not killing myself," Remus muttered quietly, looking down. "You know perfectly well that I _need_ to take this medication."

"Madame Pomfrey told you that it's _not_ necessary. It just lessens the pain. You're supposed to take one every six hours. How many did you just shove into your mouth?"

"None," Remus answered quickly.

"I _saw_ you!"

"Fine. I took two. I won't take one in six hours. Okay?" Remus said quickly, rolling his eyes.

"You're lying again! I saw a whole pile in your hand. REMUS, THESE ARE DRUGS! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"

"Sirius, it's fine. I'm alive now, aren't I?" Remus said, grabbing hold of Sirius' hand, which Sirius pulled back.

"You have to stop taking them," he said bluntly. Remus blinked.

"You can't make me do that! Why would you... I mean... do you even know how much pain I go through? You can't make me go through that again!"

"You lived with it for fifteen years. You managed. But if you carry on taking these things, you _will_ hurt yourself, and badly. Please let me help you!" Sirius said.

"No."

"Give me them," Sirius demanded. "Where are they? Give them to me. You aren't having any."

Remus shifted slightly, moving his hand over the duvet next to him. "No."

Sirius didn't miss the obvious 'trying to cover them up', and grabbed the small box from under Remus' hand. Remus glared at him.

"Give them back. Now."

"I'm not giving them back to you!" Sirius said, holding them away from him.

"I swear, Sirius. Give them to me now or I'll... I'll... hurt you..."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You wouldn't."

"Oh yes I would! I _need_ them!"

"You're an _addict_!" Sirius shouted. "WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE IT? You _don't_ need them, you're trying to get rid of every single pain possible. Guess what, Remus? Medication can't get rid of emotional pain. It's not going to work. You'll kill yourself!"

"You don't know anything!" replied Remus angrily, lunging forwards and snatching the box out of Sirius' hands. He opened it and Sirius grabbed it back off him.

"See, you're in a little bit of pain since I'm angry with you. What's your genius solution? Take a couple of drugs and hope you're alive in the morning."

"How dare you accuse me of that?" Remus shouted. Sirius laughed.

"It's obvious you were going to do it! You're addicted!"

"I'm not addicted," Remus answered defiantly. "I just-"

"-Of course you're addicted! You threatened to hurt me – the person you're _supposed_ to be in love with – just to get your box of drugs back."

"It's only because I need-"

"-FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU _DON'T_ NEED THEM! I'm getting rid of these. I really am. And I'm telling Madame Pomfrey about this problem of yours. She should have never trusted you to take them."

"Please give them back!" Remus sobbed, reaching out and grabbing Sirius by the shirt. "Please."

"No." Sirius pried each of Remus' fingers away, and stuffed the drugs in his bag. Something flared in Remus' eyes as his breathing slowed.

"I'll kill you," he said quietly, staring straight into Sirius' eyes.

"You would never-"

"- GIVE. THEM. BACK. NOW!"

"How about a compromise," Sirius asked, pushing Remus back down into a sitting position. Remus sighed loudly and shrugged.

"What's the compromise?"

"I'll let you have them back, but only if I can be the one to give them out to you. I'll give you one every six hours. Does that sound reasonable?"

"NO IT DOESN'T! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" Remus screamed, clenching his fist and swinging for Sirius' face. Sirius ducked out of the way and glowered at his boyfriend.

"How dare you get violent with me? I'm trying to help you!"

"Then stop. I don't want your help!"

"So you're going to let yourself die, then?" Sirius asked, trying to stay calm.

"Please just give them to me! I'll do anything, just _please_. I beg!" Remus said, bursting into tears and grabbing Sirius by the shoulders. "_Please_!"

"Remus, this is ridiculous! Look what they've reduced you to! You're literally begging me to give you a couple of pills!" Sirius said in disgusted astonishment.

"_Please_!" Remus continued, apparently not hearing Sirius. He was pushed back again, and Sirius looked at him with a pained expression.

"Ok," Sirius said simply. "Ok. Here's the deal. You have a choice, Remus. You _have_ to choose, or I'll choose for you."

"W-w-what's the choice?" Remus asked, staring up at him with tear-stained eyes.

"You either choose me or the drugs. You can't have both. I want you to choose. Right now."

"Y-y-you c-can't do that!" Remus replied with anger. Sirius shook his head.

"I can. Me or the drugs. If you don't choose, I'll choose for you, and I think we both know what I would choose. If you choose the drugs, I'll give you back the box. If you choose me, I'll get rid of the box. Choose."

Remus closed his eyes. It took a very long time and when he opened his eyes, his expression was the exact same as it had been earlier.

"Ok," he whispered. "I've chosen. It was a v-v-very difficult decision, but y-you said I had to choose..."

"Good," Sirius smiled slightly.

"I ch-ch-ch-choose the m-medication. I'm so s-s-sorry, but I need it!" Remus sobbed, tears falling freely down his pale face.

Sirius' mouth dropped open. He had been sure Remus would choose him. Now, he didn't even know what to feel. His own boyfriend – the _love of his life_ – had chosen DRUGS over him.

He nodded, trying not to let his emotions show on his face, and tossed the box at Remus. Then, he stormed out of the room, tears filling his eyes.

When he met James in the common room, he didn't say anything, just shook his head sadly and broke down in his best friend's arms.

**_2 months later..._**

"What's going on?" Sirius asked, alarmed. Peter shook his head quickly.

"I c-can't... just come... please... Sirius... come on!" he said, dragging Sirius along to the dormitory.

Sirius stopped when he saw James sitting down on the floor, shaking. He was surrounded by a pool of his own vomit and he seemed to be in some state of shock. Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat.

"What happened?" he asked. Peter opened the door and Sirius walked in slowly. He didn't have to look around to realise what Peter had called him for...

As he entered the room, he looked straight towards Remus' bed. A small pale, thin arm was all that was visible through the curtains.

Dread filled him as he cautiously stepped forwards and drew the curtains.

The dread was replaced by nausea as he took in the sight in front of him. Pale, pale skin, deathly. Gorgeous eyes wide open, locked on nothing in particular. Mouth slightly parted, as if he were breathing...

Sirius reached down to touch his cold neck. No pulse. Nothing.

The bed was covered with boxes and boxes of pills, many of which had been opened and the vile tablets scattered the bed.

Sirius collapsed.

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><p><strong>Moral: Don't take drugs.<strong>

**Thought I should add that at the end because it's a serious thing, and you can see the effect it had on the others, and Remus.**


End file.
